Becoming a dad is one of those things that nobody can fully prepare you for. You can watch all of the reels, TikToks, or listen to all of the podcasts and take all the advice going, but the truth is, you will only start to really learn when your baby arrives.
So here are 5 things, or you could say advice, from me, Alex Hobern, a dad that's done it twice.
I'm definitely no parenting guru, and I'm certainly not qualified in any way, but after becoming a dad twice myself, there are a few things I wish someone had told me earlier.
So if you're about to become a dad, or you've recently joined the club (congrats btw!), here are five tips that genuinely made a difference.
1. You don't need all the answers
I think a lot of dads feel this pressure to instantly know what they're doing. To be the calm one. The practical one. The fixer. The provider for their partner.
The reality is that most of us are figuring it out as we go.
Your baby doesn't need perfection. They don't need you to have read every parenting book cover to cover. They just need you to show up. Be present, be patient and be willing to learn.
You'll make mistakes. We all do. The important thing is being there. But it’s also super important to know that you are made for this. There's a certain part of parenting that just comes and happens naturally. It’s not learned or studied; it’s in your nature, and once they are here, you will almost certainly lean into it.
2. Get stuck in!
In the first few weeks/months, the mum is going to be the main carer. This is inevitable and is just a part of human biology, particularly if breastfeeding. This can be tricky for new dads, and they feel like they’re almost useless in some instances.
But confidence as a dad comes through doing.
Change the nappies. Prep everything you can for the mum. Tackle the bath times. Learn how they like to be settled. Take them out for a walk on your own.
Not only does it build an incredible bond with your baby, but it also means you're sharing the load as a team.
Night shifts are where you can really make a difference. We use what I’ve discovered to be a unique shift pattern. I, the dad, take the first part of the night, until 12am/1am, at which point I put the baby to bed in their crib next to their mum. This means my partner gets 4 hours of unbroken, unworried sleep at the beginning, which can be really important during the newborn/recovery phase.
You don't become a hands-on dad by accident. You become one through repetition. Get the reps in, build that role for yourself.
3. Get outside
This was a big one for me.
The early days can feel relentless, and it's easy to become trapped within the same four walls. Getting outside can completely change the mood of the day.
There really is no restriction on how early you can take your newborn outside, and in my opinion, the sooner the better. As long as you and the newborn have recovered from the hospital and are feeling up for it, get outside.
Go for a walk. Grab a coffee. Pop to the shops. Fresh air works wonders for both you and your baby. It’s where we were born to exist!
You don't need to plan elaborate activities. Sometimes, a 20-minute walk with the pram is enough to reset everyone's mindset.
You’ll also likely find your baby settles better outside and will be more tired when you get back, meaning they sleep better, and it becomes a really positive, beneficial cycle.
4. Stop comparing yourself
Social media has a funny way of making everyone else's parenting journey look effortless.
Matching outfits. Spotless homes. Babies are sleeping through the night at six weeks old. Dads are working out or getting up at 4 am to fit more in their day.
Behind the scenes, every family is dealing with their own challenges.
Your baby is different. Your circumstances are different. What works for one family might not work for yours, and that's completely normal.
Focus less on what everyone else is doing and more on what works for your family. Sit down and really think through your life structure and current circumstances, and then build little routines within that which work for you.
Something that works for you may work for literally no one else, but that’s ok. Ultimately, though, you have to be more flexible than ever and also kind to yourself.
If you planned to do something and it falls through, that’s fine, don’t resent yourself for it; if anything, lean into it. The newborn phase of life goes by so quickly, and in a few years, you’ll be looking back, wishing you could do just one more night with nothing to worry about except your baby. So try to enjoy it whilst it lasts (yes, I know how difficult that may sound right now).
5. Be sure to look after yourself
You can't pour from an empty cup.
As dads, we're often quick to make sure everyone else is okay while putting ourselves at the bottom of the list.
Try to protect the basics where you can.
Eat properly. Move your body. Talk to your mates. Ask for help from friends or family if you're struggling.
Looking after yourself isn't selfish. It helps you show up as the dad, partner and person you want to be. I find I am a far better father if I incorporate a little bit of self-care into my routine. Which is better for everyone?
Fatherhood is brilliant, exhausting, hilarious and occasionally chaotic.
You won't always get it right. None of us does. Especially not me.
But if you love your child, keep turning up and do your best each and every day, you're already doing a better job than you probably give yourself credit for.
Trust yourself a little more.
You've got this.
